100 of hilarious and humorous jokes!
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Extra resources for 101 Best Jokes
If they refer you to me, of course it must be all right. Dear me, why didn’t you get the peanut man on the corner to add authority. Well, what a marvelous sort of publisher you must be, sure enough! ––––ta-ta! qxd 6/22/04 8:21 AM Page 46 + On Telephones and Swearing ∂ (from a 1906 autobiographical dictation) Four or ﬁve months ago, in the New York home, I learned by accident that we had been having a good deal of trouble with our telephones. The family get more or less peace and comfort out of concealing vexations from me on account of the inﬁrmities of my temper, and it would be only by accident that I could ﬁnd out that the telephones were making trouble.
Do not bring your dog. qxd 6/22/04 8:21 AM Page 28 + A Telephonic Conversation ∂ (1880) Clemens had one of the earliest residential telephones installed at his Hartford home about late December 1877. It connected his house with the oﬃce of the Hartford Courant and allowed him to use the Courant as an intermediary in sending and receiving telegrams and conducting other personal business. I consider that a conversation by telephone—when you are simply sitting by and not taking any part in that conversation—is one of the solemnest curiosities of this modern life.
But the footboard was no suﬃcient protection, for I could be seen over it. I was exposed. I was wholly without protection. I turned, because I couldn’t help it—and my memory of what I saw is still vivid, after all these years. Against the white pillows I saw the black head—I saw that young and beautiful face; and I saw the gracious eyes with a something in them which I had never seen there before. They were snapping and ﬂashing with indignation. I felt myself crumbling; I felt myself shrinking away to nothing under that accusing gaze.
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